THE HALFWAY HOUSE: 2026 MID-SEASON REPORT CARDS

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Eleven weeks down, eleven to go. One team is undefeated against the concept of parity, three teams have already begun composting their rosters, and somewhere in the middle sits the great mediocre mass that gives this league its name. We graded all twelve first halves the only fair way: on results, process, luck, and intent. Coldly, accurately, and with the comments turned off. The standings are not the grades. Some of you overachieved your way to a C. Some of you earned a B from tenth place. The scoreboard knows what it did.

League of Mediocre Gentle(wo)men • June 10, 2026

Team	Owner	Grade
The Empire	Vinson	A
Adell's In the Outfield	Mark	A-
Les Misiorowski	Richard	B+
The Creation of a Home Run	Jon	B-
Judge Not Lest Ye Be Fried	Pat	B
Old Money	Ian	B-
Mendoza Liners	Mike	B-
Pat and Dan Welch On Trades	Dan	D+
Red Soto Cups	James	C
Pickle the Beast	Heller	C-
Shirley's Sox	Brooke	D+
The King's Witt	Joey	F

First-Half Waiver Wire All-Stars

Before the report cards: a brief salute to the five best things anyone found in the trash this year. No trades, no draft picks, just pure, uncut free agency.

• Liam Hicks (Judge Not Lest Ye Be Fried): 12 HR, 47 RBI, .262 off the wire. A starting-caliber bat, found, not bought.
• Walbert Urena (currently Adell's In the Outfield): 2.68 ERA and 48 strikeouts over 50 innings, claimed and dropped by two different teams before Mark grabbed him on June 1. The wire's most rejected ace.
• Bryan Baker (The Creation of a Home Run): 17 saves at a 2.05 ERA. Jon found a closer the way you find twenty dollars in an old coat.
• Kyle Harrison (Judge Not Lest Ye Be Fried): 2.72 ERA, 77 strikeouts. The second-best arm on a roster that pays its arms.
• Erik Sabrowski (The Empire): 1.71 ERA, 17 holds before his elbow filed a grievance. Even Vinson's waiver claims get hurt at championship pace.

1. The Empire (Vinson) — A

Stop me if you've heard this one. The three-time defending champion sits in first place at 78-38-4, four and a half games clear of the field, with a 7-2-1 week record and three double-digit blowouts to his name. He opened the season by hanging a 10-1 on Old Money in week one, presumably as a courtesy announcement, and hasn't looked back since. The formula is almost insultingly balanced: 9-1 in steals, 8-2 in runs, 8-2 in ERA. The only crack in the death star is strikeouts (3-5-2), which is the fantasy equivalent of saying the shark has slightly dull molars.

And here's the part that should genuinely worry everyone: he's doing it while leading the league in roster moves (80) and with Corbin Burnes and Matthew Boyd on the IL. The waiver wire has been his personal bullpen factory. Erik Sabrowski (1.71 ERA, 17 holds) and Jason Adam (1.57 ERA, 14 holds) were both free, both excellent, and both exactly the kind of margin-padding pickup that turns 7-5 weeks into 9-3 weeks. He even pried JJ Wetherholt away from James in late May for spare parts, because dynasties are built on other people's impatience. The grade is an A because there is no A+ and because results, process, and health-adjusted degree of difficulty all point the same direction. Again.

Ian thinks: Mulvey's career winning percentage continues its slow march toward statistical impossibility, and the league's response remains a collective shrug and a prayer for September. I would offer analysis, but the analysis is the same as 2023, 2024, and 2025: somebody has to actually beat him, and nobody has a plan. Send your plans to krabbypattypat@gmail.com. (There is still no comment section.)

Richard thinks: What makes me itch is that he's 9-1 in steals while the rest of us treat stolen bases like loose change under the couch cushions. That's not luck. That's a man who reads the box scores while the rest of us read our own press clippings. Blegh. First place, best process, fewest excuses. I need a million jellybeans and a miracle.

Vinson thinks: Yes.

2. Adell's In the Outfield (Mark) — A-

The week-one scoreboard read 2-10 against Dan, and somewhere a lesser manager would have spiraled. Mark instead went 6-2-1 the rest of the way, hung a 12-0 sweep on The Creation of a Home Run in week 3, and now sits second at 74-43-3. The engine is exactly what you'd expect from the league's most committed pitcher-streamer: a 9-1 record in strikeouts and a 7-1-2 mark in homers, powered by a waiver wire he treats like an open bar. His newest acquisition is Walbert Urena (2.68 ERA, 48 strikeouts), whom two other teams claimed and dropped before Mark scooped him up on June 1. Vintage vulture work. And on May 28 he claimed Ernie Clement, whose .309 average was built largely on Pat's bench before Pat inexplicably let him go. One man's trash, et cetera.

The flaws are real but polite: 3-7 in average, 4-6 in saves-plus-holds, and an outfield whose namesake remains the most emotionally volatile asset in fantasy baseball. Fifty-seven moves in eleven weeks says the process is working; the 12-0 says the ceiling is championship-shaped. The word 'scumming' is no longer used in polite company. It's called a strategy now. Winning launders everything.

Dan thinks: Mark really lost 2-10 to me in week 1 and then decided to never lose again cause apparently THAT'S allowed. 9-1 in Ks?? Leave some starts for the rest of us. Anyway I made him who he is. You're welcome buddy.

Richard thinks: I formally apologized for the phrase 'stream scumming' once and I will not do it again, but a 9-1 strikeout record built on men I have never heard of pitching against the Rockies does make my eye twitch. What I like: the offense is real, Clement is a cheat code, and he actually works the wire. What makes me itch: a .309 hitter named Ernie deciding the AVG category is somehow still 3-7. There's a sermon in there about process and results, but I have a bad back and no time.

3. Les Misiorowski (Richard) — B+

Do you hear the people sing? It's mostly strikeouts. Richard's club is 70-47-3 and third place on the strength of an 8-2 record in both runs and Ks, a 7-3 mark in homers, and the league's most on-brand roster decision: actually rostering Jacob Misiorowski for the team named Les Misiorowski. Elly De La Cruz remains the franchise, Kyle Tucker remains the adult in the room, and the week-5 12-0 demolition of Shirley's Sox is tied with Mark's week-3 sweep for the most lopsided result of the season, and is certainly the one nobody felt good about afterward.

The blemishes: 3-6-1 in steals (with Elly on the roster, which should be studied by science), 4-6 in K/BB, and a 3-9 faceplant against The Empire in week 7 that served as a reminder of the food chain. The front office has been busy in the margins. Sam Antonacci (8 steals, .286) and Spencer Horwitz were sharp adds, and the May 30 swap sending Taylor Ward to Mendoza for Willy Adames was a quietly excellent sell-high. With Donovan, Teoscar, and Murakami all on the IL, third place is an achievement of depth, not luck. The playoff drought talk can stay in 2025. This team is real.

Ian thinks: Martindell has spent a decade writing essays about everyone else's process, so it is with genuine discomfort that I report his process is currently... good? The Adames deal was the kind of trade he usually writes 1,500 words criticizing. My verdict: B+, and the missing letter grade is entirely about the steals record, which, again, ELLY IS RIGHT THERE.

Dan thinks: Richard named his team after a guy on the Brewers and the team got good. That's it. That's the analysis. Also 3-6-1 in steals with Elly is CRIMINAL, my guy is out here stealing 40 bags for a team that loses the category to Brooke.

Richard thinks: Reviewing myself is a conflict of interest, which has never stopped anyone in this league. What I like: the depth held while three starters sat in the infirmary. What makes me itch: everything about the K/BB record. We shall see...

4. The Creation of a Home Run (Jon) — B-

God reaches out his finger, and lo, there is slug. Jon's lineup is the best pure offense in the league: 8-2 in average, 8-2 in OPS, with Tatis and Springer newly imported from Old Money in the May 27 blockbuster (Oneil Cruz and Jhoan Duran going back). The bullpen is sneaky elite at 7-2-1 in saves-plus-holds, with waiver-find Bryan Baker quietly piling up 17 saves at a 2.05 ERA like a man committing a very polite crime.

So why does fourth place earn a B-minus? Because winning six categories and forfeiting the other six isn't a strategy, it's a coin flip with good posture. The rotation is biblical in the wrong direction: 2-8 in wins-plus-quality-starts, 3-7 in ERA, 3-7 in strikeouts. Stanton, Bieber, and Hunter Greene are on the IL, Luis Castillo was claimed off waivers and promptly delivered a 5.16 ERA, and the week-3 0-12 sweep at the hands of Mark is what happens when the coin lands on its edge. The Hancock-for-Colson-Montgomery deal with Dan was tidy value, and the offense is genuinely championship-grade. But every week this team starts down 0-3 in pitching and dares the bats to go 7-2. Sometimes they do. The math says don't make them.

Richard thinks: His offense is a cathedral and his rotation is a porta-potty behind the cathedral. 2-8 in W+QS is not a slump, it's a structure. What I like: he KNOWS it, and he's been trading like a man who knows it. What makes me itch: betting a playoff run on Shane Bieber's elbow and Giancarlo's hamstrings is the oldest story in fantasy, and it ends the same way every time. Blegh.

Dan thinks: Jon got swept 0-12 by Mark and somehow he's still 4th cause his bats are NASTY. Imagine if he had even one starter. Just one. A single guy who pitches six innings. I'd be scared. I'm not scared yet.

5. Judge Not Lest Ye Be Fried (Pat) — B

Grade on a curve. Specifically, the injury curve, where this team has been living since May. Pat sits fifth at 56-58-6 with a power core that bullies the league (7-1-2 in homers, 6-3-1 in RBI) and a 7-3 ERA record that suggests the arms were good, right up until they all left. Max Fried, Cole Ragans, and Ryan Helsley have all spent time on the IL, which goes a long way toward explaining a strikeout record (2-8) that would embarrass a team trying to lose strikeouts on purpose. Surviving that at .500 is quietly one of the better managerial performances of the half, helped by waiver work that leads the league in batting average on found objects: Liam Hicks (12 HR, 47 RBI, free) and Kyle Harrison (2.72 ERA, 77 Ks, also free).

And then, on June 8, the machine finally blinked. After eleven weeks of zero trades, from the man who built an actual artificial intelligence to analyze this league, Pat consolidated his entire IL wing, sending Judge, Roman Anthony, and Fried (combined recent games played: not many) across the dinner table to Shirley's Sox for Shohei Ohtani and Bubba Chandler. Yes, the team named after Judge and Fried traded Judge and Fried. Yes, the counterparty is his wife. Yes, the league's ethics committee consists of the two people involved. The deal itself is clean. Three injured stars for the best player alive plus a top-shelf pitching prospect is exactly how you turn an IL into a second half. The B reflects the floor held, the wire mined, and a blockbuster that took eleven weeks and one marriage to consummate.

Ian thinks: Weaver's machine reportedly evaluates every trade in the league within milliseconds, and its first executed transaction was... with his wife. League bylaws contain no statute covering this, mostly because the founders lacked imagination. Sources describe the negotiation as 'brief' and 'conducted over dishwasher loading.' My verdict: legally fascinating, competitively shrewd, romantically unreviewable.

Dan thinks: Pat traded THREE injured guys to BROOKE for OHTANI and people are just gonna act normal about it?? That's not a trade that's a joint checking account with extra steps. Anyway it's also lowkey a heist and if anyone else had made it I'd be furious. Respect. The machine is AWAKE.

6. Old Money (Ian) — B-

Old Money opened the season getting absolutely pantsed 1-10 by The Empire, which set an honest tone: this roster was built to pitch (6-3-1 in W+QS, 6-4 in K/BB) and constructed to not hit (2-7-1 in homers, 3-7 in steals, 4-6 in RBI). For ten weeks the offense produced like a hedge fund run by golden retrievers. The difference between this team and the other underachievers, and the reason sixth place earns a B-minus, is that the manager actually diagnosed the disease and operated. May 27: Tatis and Springer to Jon for Oneil Cruz and Jhoan Duran; Imanaga and Bregman to James for Manny Machado. And now a third act, pending as we publish: Drake Baldwin to Pickle the Beast for Jacob deGrom and Louis Varland, a classic buy-the-arm-everyone-fears move from a franchise that can clearly afford the medical bills.

The early returns are encouraging: a 10-2 week-10 win over Shirley's Sox was the team's best of the season, and the Cavalli (76 Ks) and Sasaki waiver claims are the kind of upside bets a sixth-place team should be making. At 55-59-6 the playoff math is tight but alive, and no team in the league has changed more about itself since Memorial Day. Process: A-. Results so far: C. Weighted by the fact that one of those is a choice: B-.

Richard thinks: Trading Tatis AND Bregman in the same afternoon is either a masterstroke or a cry for help, and with Ian it is always genuinely impossible to tell. What I like: Duran fixes a real problem, Machado still has thump, and deGrom-when-healthy is the best per-inning arm in the sport. What makes me itch: 'deGrom-when-healthy' is the 'free beer tomorrow' of fantasy baseball. Blegh.

Dan thinks: Ian wrote 5000 words about everyone's keepers and then hit the midseason panic button THREE TIMES. Love it. No notes. The Empire beat him 10-1 in week 1 and he's been remodeling the kitchen ever since. deGrom though?? Bold move betting the season on a guy made of glass and prayers.

Ian thinks: I am told I must review my own team. Fine: the pitching was the plan, the offense was a rumor, and the trade activity was the sound of a man discovering both facts at once and refusing to die quietly. B-. The comment section remains closed for my own protection.

7. Mendoza Liners (Mike) — B-

Never has a team name done more load-bearing work. The Mendoza Liners are 3-7 in batting average, 3-7 in OPS, and 3-7 in steals, a holy trinity of offensive inefficiency that the franchise wears like a family crest. And yet: 7-2-1 in RBI, 7-3 in homers, 7-3 in WHIP, and a week-5 upset of The Empire that remains one of only two weeks Vinson has lost all year. Seventh place in the standings; nowhere near seventh in trajectory, which is what the grade is paid to notice.

Then came June 7, when Mike pulled off the heist of the half: Trea Turner AND Rafael Devers from the rebuilding Pickle the Beast, for Zach Neto. One shortstop for two cornerstones. The earlier Adames-for-Ward swap with Richard was defensible; this one was predatory, and we mean that as the highest compliment available in a keeper league. With Lindor and Glasnow due back from the IL, seventy transactions of restless energy on the books, and two new stars in the lineup, the Liners are the team nobody wants to see in their crosstab come August. The average will still be terrible. It always is. It's tradition.

Ian thinks: Staron acquired two top-40 players for one good-not-great shortstop and the league's collective response was a quiet 'huh,' which is how all true heists are received in the moment. My verdict: the standings say seventh, the roster says fourth, and the AVG column says absolutely nothing has changed since 2019.

Richard thinks: He beat Vinson in week 5 and I want to know what he saw. Nobody beats Vinson on purpose; it's always either luck or witchcraft, and Mike doesn't strike me as lucky. What makes me itch: he keeps hitting .230 as a team and surviving anyway, which violates several laws I hold dear. The Turner-Devers trade was robbery in the legal sense. I'm calling it in.

8. Pat and Dan Welch On Trades (Dan) — D+

No team in the league has fallen farther from its own opening statement. Week one: a 10-2 dismantling of the eventual second-place team and sole possession of first. Weeks two through ten: a controlled descent to eighth at 51-61-8, including a league-leading eight category ties, because even the scoreboard can't decide how to feel about this team. The grade is a D+ not because the roster is the eighth-best (it might genuinely be better than that) but because performance-versus-expectation is the largest gap in the league, and the expectation was set by this team, in this season, in week one.

The pitching half holds up its end: 6-3-1 in strikeouts, 5-3-2 in saves-plus-holds, 6-4 in W+QS. The offense is 2-7-1 in homers and 3-5-2 in RBI, which is a problem when your big offseason swing was trading Chourio, Tatis, and two picks for Julio Rodriguez. Credit where due: the man trades. Colson Montgomery for Emerson Hancock was solid business, and the June 7 Bellinger buy from Heller (for Waldschmidt and the already-injured Logan Henderson) is exactly the kind of move a team with playoff delusions should make. With Woodruff and Snell on the IL and a 2-9 week-10 loss to Richard fresh in the memory, the second half needs the bats to show up. Otherwise the team name becomes a confession.

Ian thinks: Topczewski began the year atop the standings and has spent ten consecutive weeks proving the week-1 power rankings (his own, it must be noted) tragically premature. The Julio trade haunts the HR column like a ghost with a no-trade clause. My verdict: the activity is admirable, the direction is negotiable, and the D+ is what happens when you write checks in April.

Richard thinks: Eight ties. EIGHT. This team is the guy at the restaurant who can't pick an entree so he orders two appetizers and calls it dinner. What I like: the bullpen construction is genuinely smart. What makes me itch: he keeps acquiring outfielders who hit .230 with upside, and 'upside' is doing the work of a forklift in that sentence. Blegh.

Dan thinks: Yeah I started 10-2 and slid. You know what that's called? PACING. Nobody remembers June, they remember September. Bellinger's here now, Woodruff's coming back, and whoever graded this a D+ can meet me in the parking lot. Let's get into it.

9. Red Soto Cups (James) — C

The Red Soto Cups are 6-3-1 in steals, sturdy in runs and RBI, and 2-3 in close matchups, which is to say: the bones of a competent fantasy team are here, and the record undersells the effort. Seventy-three transactions, second-most in the league, is not the activity log of a ninth-place mind. The problem is everything thrown overhand: 2-8 in K/BB, 3-7 in ERA, 3-7 in strikeouts, a staff that spent eleven weeks auditioning for the role of 'cautionary tale.' The May 27 deal with Ian (Machado out; Imanaga and Bregman in) was a real attempt to fix it, and grabbing Bryce Miller (1.33 ERA on the year) off the wire in early May suggests the wire gods owed James one.

Less explicable was May 28, when JJ Wetherholt, the kind of young middle infielder keeper leagues exist for, went to The Empire for Wilyer Abreu and Nick Martinez. Selling a blue-chip to the defending champ in the name of a ninth-place win-now push is a bold genre of optimism. Eury Perez is on the IL, Jacob Wilson joined him, and the close-loss record hints this team is unluckier than it is bad. The C is for honest effort with crooked results: wrong trades, right energy, real bones.

Dan thinks: James traded his shiny prospect to VINSON. To VINSON, James. That's like donating blood to a vampire cause he asked nicely. The steals are nice though. New James still in there somewhere, blink twice if you need help.

Ian thinks: Swindell's win-now posture would be more convincing if 'now' were not currently ninth place. And yet, the Bregman/Imanaga haul was genuinely shrewd, Miller is a real arm, and the close-matchup record suggests a team a few breaks from respectability. My verdict: wrong trades, right energy.

10. Pickle the Beast (Heller) — C-

Let the record show that on June 7, 2026, the Beast officially entered the brine, and that the grade you see above is for the management, not the standings. Trea Turner and Rafael Devers to Mike for Zach Neto; Cody Bellinger to Dan for Ryan Waldschmidt and Logan Henderson; and, pending as we publish, Jacob deGrom and Louis Varland to Old Money for Drake Baldwin. That is a full-throated, committed fire sale conducted with the calm of a man who looked at a 4-6 week record, an offense ranked 3-7 in runs and 2-6-2 in homers, and correctly concluded this was not his year. No half-rebuild purgatory. No 'one more hot week' delusion. Knowing when to fold is the rarest skill in this league, and he folded in one weekend.

Special mention to Henderson, who arrived on the injured list, which is either bad luck or the most honest trade return of the season. Before the teardown there were real bright spots: a 7-1-2 steals record (elite), a tidy 8-3 win over Old Money in week 6, and a late-May flier on Daniel Lynch (1.71 ERA on the season) that out-pitched several teams' actual rotations. But zero blowout wins in ten weeks told the truth. This team never had a twelfth gear, and now it officially isn't looking for one until 2027. The basement draft board is already covered in string.

Richard thinks: He sold Turner, Devers, Bellinger, and deGrom inside two weeks and I cannot decide if it was panic or wisdom, which usually means it was both. What I like: he committed, totally and without sentiment. What makes me itch: Neto as a centerpiece. That's not a return, that's a tip jar.

Ian thinks: Heller's June liquidation event was conducted with the brisk efficiency of a man who has done this before and will do it again. League historians will note he once traded Trea Turner to Mulvey during the LAST dynasty, making this his second consecutive era spent arming the contenders. My verdict: the beast is dead, long live the beast.

11. Shirley's Sox (Brooke) — D+

The Commissioner's club presents the season's strangest stat line: a genuinely good pitching profile (7-3 in K/BB, 6-3-1 in W+QS) welded to an offense that has scored runs at a rate best described as 'decorative.' 1-8-1 in runs. 2-8 in steals. 3-7 in RBI. The week-5 0-12 sweep at the hands of Les Misiorowski was the nadir, and the 20 total roster moves (second-fewest in the league) suggested a management philosophy of serene detachment bordering on performance art. Somewhere in there, Garrett Crochet got hurt and the rotation kept being good anyway, which deserves some kind of medal.

And then: movement. On June 8 this franchise made the biggest trade of its modern era, acquiring Aaron Judge, Roman Anthony, and Max Fried from her husband's fifth-place operation for Shohei Ohtani and Bubba Chandler. Buying three stars at their injured low is precisely the kind of patient, asset-rich play this column has begged this team to make for years; the fact that it required only a conversation in the kitchen is a detail we leave to the league's nonexistent ethics committee. If Judge and Anthony return swinging, the second half here is legitimately dangerous. The pitching never left. The D+ is for a first half of benign neglect. The arrow, for the first time in memory, points up.

Dan thinks: Brooke really woke up from a three-year nap, traded for JUDGE, and went back to sleep. Incredible. No notes. If the offense shows up her pitching was top 4 ALL ALONG and we're all in danger. Set a lineup and ruin someone's playoff race. Do it for the bit.

Richard thinks: Every year I write the same paragraph about this team and every year it comes true, which makes me feel less like an analyst and more like a man reading a horoscope he wrote himself. The pitching is real. The offense was a rumor, and then she bought Aaron Judge at a discount from her own husband. What makes me itch: it might actually work, and none of us will ever hear the end of it.

12. The King's Witt (Joey) — F

There is no gentle way to write this paragraph, so let's be efficient: last place, 41-75-4, a 2-7-1 week record, 1-9 in RBI, 2-8 in homers, and a saves-plus-holds ledger of 0-8-2. Zero category wins, the only undefeated streak in the league pointed in the wrong direction. Ten roster moves in eleven weeks is the fewest in the league by half, and the IL (Luis Robert Jr., Schwellenbach, Mize) has been less a setback than a mercy. Unlike the other basement dwellers, there is no rebuild underway here, no fire sale, no plan visible to the naked eye, which is what separates an F from a sympathetic C-minus.

The frustrating part is the outline of competence: 6-4 in average, 6-4 in strikeouts, Bobby Witt Jr. doing Bobby Witt Jr. things to an empty stadium, and the March pickup of Spencer Strider from Mike for a 13th-round pick, a trade that cost nothing and returned a real starter. Tanner Bibee and Michael Wacha were sensible waiver adds. There are good decisions buried in here, just not enough of them, and not nearly often enough. The fix is not mysterious: log in, claim a closer (any closer, an 0-8-2 category is free real estate), and pick a direction. The king has the Witt. The kingdom needs a government.

Ian thinks: The franchise's saves-plus-holds record of 0-8-2 is, per league historians, the longest sustained categorical surrender since record-keeping began, and it was achievable with a single waiver claim at any point in the last eleven weeks. My verdict: F, with the understanding that the Strider heist proves a functioning front office exists in there somewhere, possibly napping.

Dan thinks: Joey. Buddy. ZERO saves wins. You don't even need a good closer, you need A GUY. I will personally venmo you a closer. The Witt stays winning and the team stays losing and that's the saddest sentence I've ever typed. Let's get you some help.

Second-Half Storylines

Can anyone make Vinson sweat before September? (The analytics say no. The analytics have said no for four years.) Does Jon find a starting pitcher before the coin-flip math finds him? Is the Weaver household now a two-contender operation, and what exactly happens at that dinner table in the playoffs? Do the Liners' new toys drag a .230 average to the postseason? Does deGrom stay assembled long enough to justify Ian's renovation? And in the basement, the 2027 arms race is on: Heller has prospects, Joey has picks, and both have eleven weeks to pretend otherwise. Set your lineups. Or don't. It's tradition either way.

This article was assembled from actual league data: 720 category results across 10 matchup periods, 38 trades (two pending at press time), 650 transactions, and one suspiciously well-informed robot. All stats through Week 10. Complaints may be directed to the comment section.

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